


Hazes

by orphan_account



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-05-24 16:15:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6159358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their entire relationship could be viewed through a series of hazes - ranging from the sweetest of affections, to the deadliest of diseases - that broke down their carefully constructed defense mechanisms. When Neil felt the need to run, Andrew always grounded him to a home. When Andrew felt the need to self-destruct, Neil always gave him a reason not to. </p><p>For that, Neil will take on their difficulties any day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fog

Dates have never bothered Andrew - they’re just numbers, or times - something that can be wiped from his brain in a second. A number doesn’t mean anything if there isn’t a feeling attached to it. 

It’s unfortunate that the time around Drake’s assault last year had a distinguished feeling; the middle of fall, when leaves start to drop from trees and crumble into earthy smells. Breezes were chilly and Andrew had to start wearing jumpers to protect himself from shivers. Morning fog was also a common occurrence, coupled with frosty dew that didn’t melt from the grass until mid morning.

Unfortunately, he recalled this better than any numeric number. He can’t remember the date of Drake’s assault, but instead, he remembers the temperature and smell of the day, associated deeply in his mind with sudden and traumatic pain. It's more than enough to rattle Andrew’s carefully built walls of apathy. 

It wasn’t a gradual feeling; instead, it hit him all at once. Suddenly, by simply smelling the fresh fall air, he found himself in _that_ room, reliving the day over and over again in his head. 

One night, a few days after Andrew started having nightmares again, Neil found his way into his bed like he usually did. Andrew knew he should have kicked Neil out before falling asleep, but it felt good to have Neil beside him, even if they never touched. Having his body beside him, knowing that Neil was there and safe, helped ease Andrew’s tensions inherently. 

It was a mistake. He jerked from his nightmare upruptly, his body not fully disconnecting from the trauma. He was on top of Neil, hands firm on his throat before Neil brought a knee into his crotch and sent him tumbling to the ground

“Jesus, Andrew,” Neil gasped, heaving breaths through his lungs. He sat up to look at Andrew on all fours, who was making a sound somewhere between a retch and a scream. “Are you okay?”

“You should leave,” Andrew said. 

“I’m fine.” Neil was trying to help, but Andrew didn’t want to have it. Not after hurting him. 

“Go.”  
Neil didn’t reply. He knew he had to leave, even though he desperately wanted to stay and help. He left for his own bed, but not before placing a glass of water on the table of Andrew’s bedside, alongside a pack of cigarettes. 

Dorm rules be damned; Andrew lit up a cigarette in bed, smoking until dawn.

\---

Andrew didn’t even try to convince himself that everything was okay; it wasn’t, and he had hurt Neil in the process. He hated himself for that more than anything. Hurting himself was one thing, that was always bound to happen, but hurting one of his own was unforgivable.

Luckily, Neil didn't have a single bruise on his neck.

Andrew tried to avoid Neil, but the striker had managed to push himself into every crevice of his being, and he didn’t have the strength to stay away. Neil made him feel good, a high more dangerous than any drug that’s run through his blood. 

“I need you,” Andrew growled, pinning Neil to the wall of his room. Kevin was in the other room, probably obsessing over an Exy game or doing a history assignment. It didn’t matter; Kevin wasn’t here, and Neil was.

Andrew pressed forward, taking Neil’s lips in a battle he always won. Neil kissed back, although tentatively. He placed a hand on Andrew’s arm, jerking him away from the scene. 

Someone had touched him, and his skin was crawling.

“Wait-” Neil said, body leaning flush against the wall, looking like pure sex. “What-” But Andrew had already started to leave, storming out of the bedroom, making a beeline for the roof. 

He could hear Neil hiss behind him,

“ _Andrew._ ” 

But he was already gone.

\---

Andrew forced himself to avoid Neil this time, and for three days straight, he succeeded. Dodging Neil in halls, avoiding team meetings, leaving the changing room without showering, even outright ignoring him whenever Neil tried to strike a conversation.

But none of Andrew’s methods changed the fact that Neil knew him, and he knew him very well. Enough to find Andrew on the roof at midnight, smoking through a pack of cigarettes, trying his best to pretend like nothing mattered. 

Without saying a word, Neil stole a cigarette and pinched Andrew’s lighter from his fingers. He lit one up and sighed into it, exhaling the smoke amongst the warm breath from his lungs. He didn’t say a thing; content to simply stand next to Andrew and be.

If Andrew’s body didn’t feel dull and meaningless, perhaps he would have smiled at Neil’s silent act of support. 

This moment right here is why Andrew kept Neil around. _This_ was why he cared about him so much.

Neil finished his cigarette and turned to Andrew, acknowledging him for the first time.

“I’m here,” is all he said, before turning and walking away.

Andrew released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and like a leap of faith, he followed Neil away. They ended up in bed together, never touching, but feeling closer than ever.

\---

Andrew kissed Neil like he never had before, with soft and tentative presses, and an almost sensual slide of tongue against lips. Neil didn’t quite know how to deal with Andrew’s new style of kissing, so he stood stunned for most of the experience, gripping onto Andrew’s hair with all he’s got.

“What was that for?” Neil asked when they parted.

Andrew growled, pressing a hand into Neil's shirt, twisting the fabric into his fists, placed just above his heart. “Don’t ask stupid questions.”

Neil shook his head, slightly dumbfounded. “Okay,” he replied, even though he didn’t quite understand.

Andrew paused, for a second, before sighing. “I hate you.”

“I know.”

“Good. That’s all you need to know.” 

If ‘I hate you’ was Andrew’s special way of showing affection, perhaps this was Andrew’s special way of apologising. 

At that, Neil can only laugh and shake his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this fic does these two idiots justice. They're such a special ship.
> 
> If you enjoyed, find me on tumblr @laurentdamens, or consider leaving a comment :)


	2. Fumes

Andrew’s apathy ranges when around Neil, all depending on how much energy he can put into acting. Sometimes he can maintain a cool and aloof demeanour, pretending like Neil is just another one of his own, like Nicky or Kevin or Aaron.

But Neil isn’t. Not at all.

Other times, Neil can incite a range of emotions with Andrew. Anger, amusement, curiosity, frustration. He wouldn’t go as far as to say _happy_ , but… Neil mades him feel good, at least. 

On a whole, there was one emotion that Neil didn’t make Andrew feel, and that was jealousy. Neil didn’t swing - at least, with one exception - and he never showed any interest in anyone else. 

But it wasn’t until Andrew saw a freshman press a drink into Neil’s hand and slide his body up against Neil’s own that Andrew realised other people could steal his things from him. Even though Neil politely declined the drink and awkwardly flinched away from the man’s advances, Andrew felt a mixed rise in anger and possessiveness.

How dare anyone try anything on Neil? Didn’t everybody know that Neil was _his?_

Clenching his fists, he stormed over to the scene. It took all of his control to not punch the guy in the face, instead choosing to stare him down with his most menacing glare. 

“I suggest you leave. _Now._ ” Andrew growled. 

Neil looked at Andrew with fear - not at all for his own safety, but for the safety of the stranger - maneuvering himself between the two, as if to act as a buffer.

“Andrew-” Neil started, but Andrew just growled and looked at the stranger in response. 

The stranger threw his hands up in the air, surrendering. 

“Hey, it’s cool. I didn’t know he had a boyfriend.”

Andrew doesn’t reply, continuing to stare the man down. Neil, on the other hand, turned to address him. 

“I don’t,” Neil said simply. “But it’s best you leave anyway.”

As the man turned away, Andrew fisted a hand into Neil’s shirt. His body deflated with anger, leaving only an empty hollow of emotions. He didn’t know what he felt anymore. 

“What is it?” Neil asked, leaning only slightly into Andrew’s personal space. They were so attuned to each other, Neil _knew_ that something was wrong. “Andrew. What is it?”

“Nothing,” Andrew bit out. He relaxed his fist and pushed Neil away, storming out of the room.

No matter how much Andrew tried to convince himself he didn’t care, that Neil meant nothing to him, he failed spectacularly. Neil wasn’t his boyfriend, but Andrew didn’t want him running off with other people either. He wanted Neil to be _his_ , permanently, for a very long time.

But Andrew is too fucked up to lock Neil into a cage with him. Neil deserves better, even if he wouldn’t take it. Andrew wouldn’t dare force Neil into something so unjust. 

For the first time ever, Andrew faltered up the stairs of the Fox Tower.

\---

The dorm was empty when Neil stumbled in, lights off and eerily quiet. He half expected Andrew to be on the roof, or away - anywhere but here. Instead, Andrew was sitting in a beanbag, looking dead to the world.

“Andrew?”

Andrew decided not to ignore Neil; it wasn’t effective last time, and it wouldn’t be effective now.

“Fuck your stupid frown,” Andrew muttered, tossing an empty beer can across the room.

“Is it what I said? Is that why you’re angry?” Neil asked, keeping his distance, circling Andrew like a vulture. 

“Everything you say pisses me off, that’s nothing new.” Lies. Lies, lies, _lies._

Neil sighed as if already knowing that fact. Despite Andrew always calling Neil out on his lies, Neil usually stayed silent about Andrew’s own lies.

“You can sit here and stare at the wall, or you can talk to me about it. If you want.”

“I don’t want to talk to you. I want nothing.”

“Then what are you doing here?”

It was an innocent question to ask, especially with Andrew’s mixed messages and hidden emotions, but it stirred something inside of Andrew that he didn’t know existed. Words rose from his chest, slipping into the tip of his tongue. Without thinking, because he always moves before thinking, Andrew moved upright and surged forward, gripping Neil at his wrists. 

Andrew held onto him with everything he had.

“ _You,_ ” Andrew spat. “You and your stupid words. I hate you.”

“So you’ve said,” Neil replied with a slight drawl. He was teasing, but Andrew could see the awe in his eyes.

Andrew tried to stamp out every inch of his insecurity. “You’re mine, aren’t you?”

“Of course,” Neil said, without a doubt. “There isn’t anyone else, and there won’t be anyone else. This is it.”

Andrew let go of Neil’s hands, calmed by his admission. “How are you so sure?” How can anyone be so sure when it comes to Andrew?

“Because I’ve never… felt this way about anyone before. Not just sexually but… romantically, too.” 

Andrew didn’t think he could stomach calling themselves boyfriends. They weren’t boys, and they weren’t friends. It didn’t make sense to use such a juvenile term.

“Partners,” Andrew finally concluded, forcing himself to release the word from his mouth. “That’s what we are. Yes or no?”

Neil looked at him with stunned wide eyes, the same look he had when any of the Foxes called him a friend. “Fuck, _Andrew,_ ” Neil murmured. “Yes. Always yes.”

Andrew tried to play it cool. He can’t smile, but if he could, he would. Neil is too fucking cute for him to handle. 

“You look stupid.”

Instead, Neil smiled for him. 

“I think you look handsome, too”


	3. Steam

The first time Neil saw Andrew fully naked during sex, he was breathless. He had seen small sections of Andrew’s uncovered body before, but never everything all at once. 

It was different to only taking Andrew’s shirt off or only pulling down the bare minimum required to get him off. And it was most definitely different to seeing Andrew naked in the change room. It was there for him to touch, if Andrew allowed it. _Only_ if Andrew allowed it. 

Neil had invited Andrew into the shower with him as a joke, a _tease_ , knowing that Andrew never took all his clothes off around him. Neil wasn’t being serious; but Andrew, on the other hand, was deadly serious. 

“Don’t touch me,” Andrew growled. “Only my hair.”

Neil gulped and nodded. If he were overwhelmed at the mere sight of Andrew naked, he most definitely didn’t know how to handle anything past a kiss. 

“Turn around,” Andrew said, grabbing the shampoo they shared from the bathroom ledge. 

Knowing that Andrew was trusted, and safe, Neil bore his back, squashing the fear. Andrew lathered up his hands and started threading them through Neil’s scrappy auburn hair. It was exactly like the time they showered together after Baltimore, except, it wasn’t. Andrew was kneading his fingers into Neil’s scalp, working in slow methodical circles. The air was different; the feeling was different. 

Neil had to bite his lip to keep in a moan. When Andrew finally washed the shampoo from his hair, Neil turned to him in question. 

“What was that for?”

“Stupid question,” Andrew muttered. His hand slid down from Neil’s hair, across his cheekbone, firmly gripping his chin. A single finger was poised on Neil’s bottom lip, the implication apparent. “Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Neil gasped, leaning into Andrew’s space, which Andrew took advantage of by dragging Neil into a heated kiss. It wasn’t long before Neil was pressed into the cold tiles, shaking to keep control while Andrew worked on his mouth. 

Against his will, the word “Yes,” kept falling from Neil’s lips like a mantra between kisses and bites. Andrew took him and devoured him and Neil felt like he was floating on air.

“You're a mess,” Andrew growled, slowly wrapping his hand around Neil’s erection. 

Neil’s mouth widened with pleasure, his head thrown back against the hard tile. Even so soon, he already felt like he was over the edge. 

Somehow, within the haze of steam, Neil opened his eyes, trying desperately to anchor himself to the moment. All he could see was water and steam and Andrew’s very naked body; buff ridges of muscles, with the light lines of faded marks and scars, littered periodically, most prominent around his forearms.

Andrew stopped as soon he saw Neil stare at him, backing away from him in a quick jerk.

“Sorry,” Neil mumbled. His knees shook with enough effort to keep himself upright, slowly coming down from his high. “I didn’t mean to stare.”

“Just give me a moment,” Andrew said, turning around.

Neil leant shakily against the wall, wondering if he’d managed to fuck up everything between them. He should have thought better than to stare and push the boundaries of Andrew’s tentative trust. He dug his hands into his hair, pulling the strands to keep himself from saying or doing anything stupid. 

But as he analysed Andrew’s posture, there was no tremor or shake. As far as Neil could see, there were no signs of obvious turmoil. Andrew was either pretending or unshaken.

“Andrew-”

“It’s hard to keep control around you.” Andrew’s voice was sudden, his back still turned. Neil slowly slid around him, managing to get a look at his face. He was, in fact, looking like he was trying to keep himself in control.

“Then don’t,” Neil replied. “You can touch me if you want to, I don’t mind.”

“I _want-_ ” Andrew’s voice was so low, it was hard to hear over the pelting shower. “I want you to touch me. But I don’t know how.”

Neil let out a small sound of understanding. He had always assumed that Andrew would never want to be touched, that he would always be on the receiving end. He hadn’t ever thought about this day, because he never really had to, or wanted to. Andrew was Andrew, and that was it. Neil accepted it without question.

But now… Neil could feel his heartbeat pulsing in his ears, ringing with shock. It took him all of two seconds to decide that yes he wanted to touch Andrew, but _yes_ , only if he could make him comfortable enough. 

Neil looked from Andrew’s erection to his face. “Whatever you want,” Neil said, breathless at even the thought of touching Andrew. He wanted to help Andrew, to heal him, even if it was only temporary. He wanted to make Andrew feel good, just like Neil felt under Andrew’s own hands. 

“Come here,” Andrew called him over. He wasn’t inviting or welcoming; his posture was closed and cold, to protect himself from others. 

Neil obeyed Andrew’s words anyway, stepping forward enough to reach Andrew. He watched as Andrew palmed his cock, stroking lightly, bringing it to full hardness. 

“One hand, over mine, try not to touch me,” Andrew said. It took a while for Neil to comprehend the gravity of the situation, the fact that Andrew was allowing him this. It meant… it meant many things, the most of which threatened Neil with tears. 

He was glad for the water pelting down on them, hiding his own vulnerability for a small second. 

Neil leant forward, cautiously, wrapping his fingers lightly around Andrew’s own, slightly applying pressure. He wanted Andrew to feel good, but he didn’t want to push him too far. It didn’t really know what he was doing, mostly mirroring what Andrew would often do to him.

“Is this okay?”

Andrew scoffed. “Just move.”

It was awkward at first. Navigating a slippery surface and cooling water didn’t help, but as soon as Neil’s lips found the junction of skin between Andrew’s neck and shoulder, their bodies slotted together nicely, like they were meant to be. 

Andrew pinned Neil onto the tiled wall again, holding him up with one arm. Neil shuddered, opening his eyes to see if Andrew had gone to another place. His hazel eyes gleaming with lust, settling on Neil’s own. He was still here, still present, still with him.

Andrew shifted their hands so that Neil’s erection was sliding up against his own, and Neil shuddered as he threatened to spill. It was Andrew’s kisses that drew him out, long and punishing, his grip sure to leave bruises in the morning. Neil didn’t care; he only held onto Andrew’s pleasure like a lifeline, grounding him in the present. 

He could feel Andrew fall over the edge, his grunting halting to low groan as Neil felt Andrew’s come splash against his stomach. Even in afterglow, Neil made sure to check that Andrew was still there with him. Andrew’s eyes bore back with an affirmative shine. Although sluggish, Andrew seemed content. He seemed _calm_.

Neil dragged Andrew into one last kiss, and Andrew held onto him like their lives depended on it. They had enough strength to break each other, but they never did.

The water was turned off, but Neil could still hear it pounding in his ears, even after he dozed off beside Andrew in bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me at laurentdamens on tumblr. Thanks for reading :)


	4. Smoke

Some days, Neil felt like he could lose Andrew in a whisp of smoke, dissipating into the air, slowly fading away. Other days, Neil felt like he could lose Andrew in a sudden and violent blast, the smoke choking him of breath, gutting out his insides from his body. 

Usually, only one applied. Today, they both did.

\---

Andrew had woken up with a jerk and a gasp, pulling Neil along with him. Neil sat up straight, analysing Andrew on high alert. In the past, whenever he had been woken up by another person moving, it meant "get up and run as fast as you can". 

Andrew was pale and clammy, obviously still trying to come to terms that he was not in the world of his nightmares. Neil moved to the edge of the bed, ready to give Andrew some space. 

“Do you want me to leave?” Neil asked under his breath, Kevin still snoring in the background.

Andrew didn’t answer, but Neil knew what the answer would be. Andrew wouldn’t be in that bed for long; he’d be out on the balcony, smoking and drinking, trying to bring himself back to reality. Trying to feel something other than pain.

Neil walked back to his own bed, content to lie tossing and turning until sunrise.

\---

Andrew was distant and uninterested all day. His goalkeeping in training was what Kevin would call “downright pathetic”. Neil couldn’t really disagree. Andrew was putting in almost no effort.

Wymack tapped Neil on the shoulder and raised an eyebrow. “Do I need to intervene over there?” He tipped his head towards the goal where Andrew stood.

Neil shook his head. “I’ll tell you otherwise.”

But if Neil were to be honest, Wymack probably couldn’t help Andrew. The only person who could really make a difference would be Betsy, but Neil couldn’t force Andrew into that. 

Neil couldn’t force Andrew into living, no matter how hard he tried.

\---

After dinner, Andrew made his leave to the roof. Neil considered ignoring it, but he couldn’t. He had to at least try something, anything, even if Andrew only insulted him in reply.

He walked up the stairs with a planned speech, but it disappeared as soon as he saw how close Andrew was standing to the railing. He never stood that close to the edge, because he was afraid. It didn't make sense for him to be so close, unless...

Unless he was thinking about falling over the edge. 

Careful not to startle, Neil quickly made his way over. Andrew pretended not to notice him, but Neil pressed forward a little more.

“What are you doing?” Neil asked. He looked down and noticed Andrew’s toes hanging just over the edge of the cement. 

Neil thought about the long fall down and felt nothing. Then he thought about Andrew’s long fall down, and he felt sick.

“Oh,” Andrew sighed. “You.”

“Yes. Me.” Neil said. “Do you want to go for a drive?”

“No,” Andrew answered, content to continue staring forward.

“Fine. Just - get away from the edge please.”

“Are you afraid...? I am."

Neil ignored the question in favour of another step forward - another step towards death. 

“This is me asking you very nicely to step away from the edge,” Neil said. “I’ll give you anything.”

Neil was surprised when Andrew broke, his face crumpling into anger. 

“There’s nothing you can give me,” Andrew spat, tossing his cigarette over the edge with his words. “Fuck you.” He pushed away from the railing violently, storming away from the roof.

Neil felt a terrible hole form in the pit of his stomach. He felt terrible for antagonising Andrew, but at least it kept him away from the edge. When Neil entered the dorm again, it was another matter. Andrew had clearly stormed through, a chair laying discarded on its side. 

“What have you done to him?” Nicky asked, his voice laced with an edge of accusation. Neil knew that Nicky was only looking out for his cousin. 

“I called him out,” Neil sighed, running a hand over his face. “He’s having a bad day.”

Nicky nodded, understanding. “Usually, the best thing for him is Bee.”

“His session isn’t until Wednesday, and I can’t force him to call her.”

“You’re good for him,” Nicky said, a hand on his shoulder, a weak gesture of comfort. “Don’t forget that.”

On days like these, Neil found it hard. Andrew was an expert at piecing Neil back together, but Neil couldn’t return the favour in the smallest of parts. Andrew wasn’t a lost cause, but he was very much unreachable.

\---

The next day Neil left the Fox Tower early for a run. The wind sweeping past his face made him feel free. He ran and ran and ran until his legs hurt, and then he ran some more. By the time he came back to the Fox Tower, he felt sore but fulfilled. All the itches under his skin had been soothed. 

Andrew was standing in the kitchen, a mug of coffee in his hand. 

“Yes or no?” Andrew asked, placing his mug down on the counter.

Neil turned to him and frowned. “No,” he said. “Not until you tell me you’re okay.” It wasn’t unlike Andrew have such a violent mood swing, from so low back to normal, but he still had to check. 

Andrew rolled his eyes. “In the words of a certain idiot I know, _I’m fine._ ”

“You’re not going to jump off the edge of the building?”

“I don’t know how you came to that conclusion,” Andrew said, feigning innocence. “But no, I’m not.”

Neil sighed, half in relief and half in exhaustion. “Did you call Bee?”

“Yes,” Andrew growled. “You’re so full of shit today.”

“You like it. Otherwise, you would have run away,” Neil said. He stepped forward a few times placing himself right in Andrew’s personal space. He lifted a hand, only a second away from burying itself in Andrew’s hair. 

“Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) Follow me @laurentdamens on tumblr


	5. Exhaust

Andrew usually kept a keen eye on Neil during their games; he was too antagonistic to avoid being hurt on court. Andrew liked that Neil wasn’t afraid to dish out snarky insults if somebody provoked him, but he hated that it also made him a target. 

Predictably, it was always worse at Castle Evermore.

It had been over two years since Neil had been tortured here, but about half of the current Ravens line up had seen it happened. They had seen Neil as Nathaniel, the butcher’s son, the one who had been branded with a number and beaten beyond belief. They knew his weakest points. They knew how to make him fall. 

The whole situation was worsened by the fact that the Foxes were the ones that triggered Riko’s eventual downfall, and Neil was the Foxes’ captain. He was the living embodiment and symbol of what the Foxes stood for, and the Ravens knew it. 

They were relentless, beyond the point of being cruel. Yellow and red cards were being dealt out all over the place, but the Ravens didn’t care. They had enough players and enough skill to ride it out to their eventual victory. Their senior players were just too good, and the Fox’s freshman players just weren’t that good yet. 

When the final buzzer sounded, Andrew immediately focused all his attention on Neil. He knew that he had to get him out of here, out of this damn stadium, and away from these psychotic Ravens.

But Neil’s mark was too fast for Andrew. He had Neil cornered near the goal where they had been fighting for the ball. He had pushed Neil up against the wall with his hand wrapped around his stomach, pressed up and into his uniform. 

Kevin had already rushed off the court, ignorant to what was happening. Andrew tried his best to get there as fast as he could. As he did, Nicky noticed and joined in. Nicky got there first, but another Raven threw him to the floor before he could get Neil out of there.

That was two of his people hurt now, and Andrew was pissed. He flew forward in a blind rage, flinging the man who assaulted Nicky against the wall, before dragging the guy who was on Neil off of him. He put his body in between Neil and everyone else, shielding him from view. He saw Aaron help Nicky up, leading him away from the brawl that started across the court. Andrew stood his ground and waited it out; the umpires and coaches quickly got involved to break it up.

Andrew turned to Neil. His heart froze, seeing blood on Neil’s hands and shirt. 

“Fuck,” Andrew swore. He reached forward to help Neil out of his helmet. His face was scrunched and pained, but Andrew knew it wasn’t from any physical injury. Neil was trying his hardest breathe under the weight of past memories.

“Let’s get you out of here,” Andrew said, looping an arm under Neil’s shoulder. His legs were startlingly weak. 

Wymack appeared on Neil’s other side, lifting him up too.

“Talk to me Neil,” Wymack demanded. Neil’s head flopped towards Andrew.

“He can’t breathe,” Andrew muttered, shutting Wymack up. 

They brought him inside the visiting team rooms, where the rest of the Foxes were watching in curious fascination. Aaron, Nicky and Kevin had all seen Neil worse, but the freshman had only heard about it, not seen it.

Eventually, they managed to get him in first aid room, away from prying eyes. 

Andrew sat Neil on the floor, pushing his head in between his knees. He was heaving, struggling to breathe under the panic. Despite Wymack and Abby’s worried interjections, Andrew ignored them and put himself in front of Neil.

“Breathe,” Andrew said, hand on the back of Neil’s neck. Neil tensed under the touch, before melting underneath it, a large exhale heard under his arms. 

Andrew lifted Neil’s chin, making enough eye contact for Neil to recognise him. His breathing soon became shallower, less noisy, and smoother. Neil was finally coming back to him. 

Once Neil started breathing again, Andrew took some scissors from Wymack and cut open his jersey and padding. Neil gave out a pained grunt, but Andrew ignored it. He turned Neil around to see a few cuts slashed down Neil’s back.

“Shit,” Wymack said. “How the hell did he get a knife in the court?”

“The same way I do,” Andrew muttered. “Up my sleeves.”

“Please don’t tell me any more.”

Abby had managed to push herself forward, surveying the damage. She applied gauze first, pressing softly, before inspecting the damage. “Not deep enough for stitches. However, it may scar.”

“Not like it matters,” Neil replied, sounding defeated. “What’s a few more scars going to matter with a face like mine?”

Andrew glared at Abby until she backed away. If the injury wasn’t that serious, she could wait until Neil had calmed down to look at it again. Andrew took the gauze himself, gently dabbing the wounds. 

“Is this a warning from the Moriyama’s?” Kevin asked. He’d been waiting against the wall, arms crossed casually. It looked like he was calm, but Andrew knew that he was terrified deep down. 

“No,” Neil said. “He… said he saw-” Neil flinched, stopping in his tracks. It looked like the words were stuck in his throat; he knew what he needed to say, he just couldn’t get it out. “He saw Riko cut into me with a knife when I was here and he wanted to try it for himself.”

Andrew froze, his body filling with an all-encompassing rage. 

“I will fucking kill him,” Andrew spat, words like venom. He was already thinking of all the way he could do it, and all the ways he could get away with it. 

“No you will _not,_ ” Wymack replied. He reached out a hand with the intent to grab Andrew on his shoulder, to talk him down from his comment, but Kevin blocked it. Andrew silently thanked Kevin; for once, he’d used his brain for something other than Exy.

“Don’t Andrew,” Neil muttered under his breath, moving closer to Andrew’s body. In that moment, Andrew’s whole being shifted solely to Neil. Nobody else existed. “I need you here.”

Nobody said anything after that, not until they had to leave. Andrew dressed Neil’s wounds and put ice on some of his bruises. He fed Neil small portions water and food. He stood by him until the bus was ready, and they could finally leave. 

The look in Neil’s eyes said he wanted to run, but the arm slung tightly around Andrew’s shoulder said otherwise. 

Once Wymack managed to gather all the Foxes and started herding them towards the bus, Andrew hauled Neil to his feet and pushed him out the door with a steadying hand. 

“Just make it to the bus,” Andrew said. _I’ll be here for you,_ he didn’t say. 

Neil was walking with one foot in front of the other, and that was a good sign in Andrew’s opinion. When Matt saw Neil approach the bus, he gave him a look. At this point, Matt didn’t even need to express his concern verbally. Andrew knew that the two were inseparable when he wasn’t around. 

Neil gave Matt small smile. 

“Are you going to be okay, Neil?” Lauren, one of the freshman backliners, asked. She was as sweet as Renee, but nowhere near as strong. Despite that, Andrew liked her the most out of the new Foxes, mostly because he didn’t have to worry about her harming his people. 

“He’s fine,” Andrew replied. Nicky gave a loud snort, and Andrew lightly hit him on the back of his head. “Shut up.”

Neil managed another small smile. “Poor choice of words Andrew,” he said, turning to Lauren. “I’ll be okay, I’m just a bit sore.”

Andrew guided Neil to the back of the bus, pushing him into the corner, up against the window. Andrew sat next to him, shielding him from the others. Neil’s head rested against the window, settling into his seat.

“Thanks,” Neil muttered. 

“186%” Andrew replied.

Neil smiled as his eyes slowly drooped. He knew that Andrew would protect him while he slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took far too long to finish, but I hope you like it!! Next one will be happy, I think :)


End file.
